bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
