Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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