turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My vagina just clenched in fear
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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