well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
