Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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