Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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