It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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