why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Buhtt sex?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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