Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
