how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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