using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
