she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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