$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
