we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
