Well douche your snatch and let's go!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
