girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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