...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
