He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
