Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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