Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
