i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
