Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
