I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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