I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
