goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
