it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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