how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
