see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
