and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
