I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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