If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
