I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
