Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
