i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
