You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
