I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
