i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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