At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
