Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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