im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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