Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
