dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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