ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
