no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Who died my cat blue again?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
