I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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