Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Who died my cat blue again?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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