then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
