did you get engaged???
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
