That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
