Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
