There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
