so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize