You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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