I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
