"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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