On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
