no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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