So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
