Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
