Screwed.edu
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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