I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
