I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
