think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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