weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
