he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
