My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize