it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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